What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
