I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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