Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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