He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
