he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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