We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
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