i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
