I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
