he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
