dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
