moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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