Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
