Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
