need another drink. this is the easiest way
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The uberlube is also flammable
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
