oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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