Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
