somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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