you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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