Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
