I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
