I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just high enough for therapy.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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