Do you still have your period?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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