"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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