im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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