I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
