By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You smell like stripper and shame
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
