if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
