your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
