He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
