who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
