My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
