Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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