Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
