his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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