this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
