Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
