They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
