Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
