I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
