i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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