I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
