We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
