Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
