you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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