Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
