He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
