see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
MIDGETS
????
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
