He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
