You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
