I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
