that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
