Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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