my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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