she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
