Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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