Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
how can u be prego again
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
