I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
